Can you do the crazy dance called the Con Con?
That’s short for Conservative Conspiracies. Their conspiracies are a pop-up tissue box of insanities;
There is no fable revealing conservative conspiracies as much as “Pizzagate”.
Claims of a pizzeria basement where ‘children are being abused!’ compelled a conservative North Carolina man to take arms and shoot up the business demanding answers.
It has no basement.
Once the story broke, a few days later conservative elements denied having any connection to him.
And so it goes.
The outrage contrivance generates another conspiracy that goes precisely... nowhere.
And the hits just keep on keepin’ on.
“Oh, yeah, you know anti-fascists were the white males with their Confederate flags attacking the Capitol with their MAGA hats and their gallows and their Nazi tattoos and their death threats to Democratic leaders...” for the purpose of illegally restoring Trump?
Does that pass the smell test?
So if ‘antifa’ was so pervasive in the attack... then why doesn’t the GOP want to investigate it? And why did the House Speaker Kevin McCarthy want to conceal their identities?
Why aren’t they concerned about the conspiracies of democratic elections being overthrown? Governors being kidnapped? 40000 people killed by guns just last year.
By the time conservatives get around to accusing somebody of something, cons have been doing it for years. Call it #ProjectileConservatism.
They say people are coming to America for the sole purpose of voting against them.
Jews control the media? So Rupert Murdoch is Jewish? Jeff Bezos is Jewish? Elon Musk is Jewish?
And when conspiracy radicals get sufficiently indoctrinated... they begin killing. Timothy McVeigh in Oklahoma City. Anders Breivik in Norway.
They are fueled by people making money peddling conspiracies.
Just so they can sell vitamins.
Cons, can't you just be paranoid alone? Every year NPR reads the Declaration of Independence, as they have done for the last 3 decades, and some radical conservative tunes into the middle of it, then complains that it is a reading of a communist manifesto. Every year.
But these same MAGA hats support bombing Agrabah... which is the fictitious city in Aladdin.
Yes, the earth is flat and the Holocaust never happened and the War of Northern Aggression, D&D is satanic, Proctor & Gamble are devil worshipers, threat level color charts, the moon landing was faked, ‘babies thrown out of incubators’ and ‘soldiers will be greeted as liberators’ and ‘Jade Helm is a cover for fed invasion’ and ‘people who don’t buy Obamacare will go to jail’ and the Violent Left and deep state, and ‘drain the swamp’, and ‘lock her up’, and Democrats love crime, and Obama was a Kenyan Muslim terrorist that celebrated Passover, and vaccinations have microchips and change your race and make you magnetic and everything from crisis actors and child actors to death panels and ‘transgender middle eastern refugee murderers’, etc., etc...
By the way, found those Weapons of Mass Destruction yet?
Chemtrails, clean coal, chain letters, War on Christmas©, gun confiscation, swift boating, Ground Zero mosque, yellow cake, Seth Rich, Bengzhai, ‘but her emails!’, Obamagate, Internet Research Agency, Mexico will pay for it, raking forests, Jewish Space Lasers, drinking children’s blood, trans bathrooms, schoolroom litterboxes, FBI agent Taylor Swift, 87000 IRS agents, Critical Race Theory, Starbucks cups, and the 8-year investigation into Hunter Biden’s laptop or Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s ballllls.
But, hey, let’s “Impeach Biden- because he pet a dog!”
And, friends, someday we need to have a talk about “professional” wrestling.
And now I don’t know whether to tell my child that Jan6 was an aberration. Or that it is the beginning of the new normal.
At some point, don’t conservatives wonder... what IS reality?
They are regularly lied to. And never question when the plot never materializes.
Sorry. The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Like ‘my cat keeps away polar bears. Ya don’t see any polar bears at my place, right?’
Y’know what turned out NOT to be a conspiracy?
The ozone hole. Acid rain. Smallpox. Lead poisoning. Birth defects. Covid-19...
and 1000000 of US dead.